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The Last Time is rated PG-13+,(close to R, but not quite close enough to rate it R), according to my standards.
The Last Time, by Deanna Schrayer
To the innocent observer she appears brave, daring and glamorous in her mismatched, deep purple, crushed-velvet peasant blouse, crinkly, flared white skirt, and scuffed cowboy boots, her long, red-gold curls piled haphazardly atop her small head, some strands escaping the thick barrette as if afraid of being imprisoned for life. Her sudden laugh is full and throaty, leaping directly from a gut so slim it couldn’t possibly hold more than that laughter.
The pudgy, balding man wielding a full-throttle water hose at his prize knockout roses, stares at the unknown creature, mouth agape.
On the other side of the driveway, a younger man, a former football player, half-dressed for business, (open shirt, no coat, untied tie), waxes his Jaguar, smiles broadly, flashing his white teeth at her escort, winks behind shiny Ray Bans.
The man who brought this gorgeous young woman to his home opens the front door, spreads his short arm in invitation. “Come in.”
She’s still laughing, that giddy, I-don’t-know-what-else-to-do-with-myself laugh, the kind caused by several tokes of Jamaican marijuana and unexpected free time. The kind of laughter needed to endure these excitable adventures, to squash out the fear, or is that heighten the fear. She forces herself to a calm, low giggle, stands in the middle of a – living room is it? gazes suspiciously at her surroundings.
“Don’t worry, she’s not here.”
She cocks her head at him, frowns.
“She’s on bed rest now, until the baby’s born, four weeks at least. She’s staying with her mother.”
He’s married? Expecting a child? A flash of anger crosses her face, which, in his faux guilt, he mistakes for fright.
“Three hours away,” he makes his way towards her, haltingly, “two-hundred miles.”
She doesn’t allow him to take her hand and guide her through the vast living room, down the stuffy hallway; she doesn’t resist.
How did she end up here? When all she’d wanted was to laugh with a friend. But all her friends were away for the day. So she’d hopped in the MG with the bartender, the quiet man, the older man, the man who always gave her free drinks and a disarming smile.
“It’s kind of small, I know.”
Startled from her trance, she looks up to find herself in a bedroom. Their bedroom. A wedding photo glares down at her from above the twin bed.
“Sorry about that.”
He’s taking off his booze-stained bartender’s shirt.
She stares. Does not laugh.
Without the slightest of hints she’s racing towards the adjoining bathroom, nearly tripping when her skirt gets hung up between her legs.
“Are you all right?” she hears from behind the locked door.
She turns the water on, both knobs full blast. Stares at the hazy figure in the mirror.
What have you done now?
She barely turns around in time to vomit into the toilet.
You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out.
Empty now, she faces the mirror again.
You play, you pay.
She finds some mouthwash, a Dixie cup. Rinses. Spits. Releases the remaining curls from the loosened barrette, reaches for the door.
This is the last time, gypsy-girl.
The last time.
______________________________________
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I want to see what happens next! Once you brought this piece into the mind of the woman, it really hit home for me. I’m scared for her though. I hope she gets away from that creep.
So I wonder what the ‘pay’ will be? She follows through on his — on her — wants? Very interesting piece, and shows just how easily it is for young women to fall into trouble. Peace…
I get the feeling this is one more in a series of ‘last times’ for her. In my mind, you took her from a carefree innocent to a young woman playing with fire and unable to avoid the flames. I like that transition!
She seems like a nice lady. I liked her style from the outset. Does it have to be the last time?
The last time… people somehow always end up saying that, don’t they?
This is a great description of what probably is a too common reality.
Thank you all so much for your kind comments! Yes, I believe you’re right, (those who mentioned it and those who didn’t but know it anyway), this is most certainly not the last time for her.
Rachel, don’t worry, I think she’ll be okay, if only just not too happy with herself afterward. Yet she seems the “type”, as Laura mentioned, to have to endure such situations several times before she truly learns and figures out how to avoid them. Let’s just hope she lives through them all!
Thanks again everyone!
Good story! So much unsaid about what happened before and after. The mind goes in a million different directions to connect the dots/fill in the blanks.
The man with the pregnant wife is a douche but if there weren’t roofies in the pot this girl doesn’t seem very sharp. I’m guessing there will be a next time. Good story Deanna!
Deanna think you get the award for the world’s longest first sentence
Rgds,
Colin
At least she has the wherewithal to realise her mistake before she actually commits it. Let’s hope that bathroom has a window she can climb out of!
I love reading your stories, Deanna. They’re beautifully descriptive. Sadly, some people put themselves in these situations too many times. Hopefully she stays safe.
Thanks everyone for your kind comments!
Harry, I believe, rather than being “not sharp”, she’s just young. It takes a while for some, (many), young people to figure out what life’s all about, and how to handle such situations, even longer to learn not to put themselves in these situations in the first place.
Colin, as much as I’d like to accept that award, (for longest first sentence ever), I believe I’m far from it – I’ve read whole stories that were nothing but one long sentence, a few of them very good.
Icy, I don’t think there’s a window, I think she just has to bite the bullet and “get this over with as quick as possible.”
Dani, thank you so much! Description was one of my main concentrations last year and it’s wonderful to hear you believe that paid off.
Thank you all again, I really appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment!
Delightful descriptions, Deanna. Hope she learns to listen to her instincts pretty soon.
Another excellent story! Always know I’m in for a treat when I visit you.
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Thank you so much Gracie! Coming from one who writes incredibly vivid stories, that means a lot to me.
Colin, here is the perfect example of that “whole story in one sentence” I was talking about, and The Perfect way to do it: Linda’s It’s True What They Say ~ http://linda-leftbrainwrite.blogspot.com/2011/01/its-true-what-they-say.html
Thank you all for your kind words!
I love the way your story develops. I want her to get away. I hope this is not the last time for gypsy girl.
Coming late to the party, I agree with the comments here. The beginning intrigued me. Nice job.
Wonderful description in this and I loved the slow reveal as it became clearer that she wasn’t been taken home by a regular boyfriend, but by an opportunistic predator. Liked the switch to go inside the girl’s head and show it from her point of view.
The optimist thinks (or hopes?) this is the last time for this gypsy girl and she’s woken up to what she’s doing in time to change her ways.
Yeah, she’s young and stupid [but there I'm being redundant]. I hope she gets it together soon.
Deanna;
Told extremely well, as always. I hope the gypsy girl can get out of her mess. Something tells me she won’t and that she’ll wind up in the same mess again.
Thank you all so much for your kind comments! Especially for those about switching the voice. I’ve always wanted to be able to do that seamlessly, and though I’m sure one day I can do it much better, it’s great to hear the practice has improved that skill.
I don’t believe it’ll be the last time for gypsy girl, but then that’s why I left the story wide open, so everyone can come to their own conclusion.
Thank you again!
Yes… You nailed this one Deanna with the business end of a Louisville Slugger…
I hope it really is the last time. I really like the character you’ve created here.
Thank you Ant, (you flatter me to blushing)
, and Laurita! I especially like gypsy girl, and I hope she’ll tell me more sometime.
Thanks so much for your kind words!
Late reading fridayflash again! But not too late i hope to say i loved the description of suburbia here and in particular i liked the younger neighbour winking behind his Ray-Bans: great observation.